Category Archives: Reflection

Mami Yana

Parenting is not a privilege, it’s a burden or vice versa

Children are a blessing from the Lord, and they’ll curse you

With the responsibility of someone else’s life in your hands

To be somebody else’s every single thing on demand

Making sure that little human eats, sleeps, breathes fresh air and gets sunlight daily

Prepares a healthy future for that itty bitty baby

Blessed are the babes in the Lord

Blessed are the doctors who cut the cords

The shielding of innocence becomes a constant

To be a vigilante for virtue is an honor

Without impeding on life’s authentic experience

Curving perception to be idealistic and utopian

But not fake, because we want to prepare them for real life

Protecting them from the destruction, disappointment and strife

To want what’s best and not know how to achieve it

To tell life’s lies without even meaning it

To be a wealth of knowledge with so many questions of your own

To be a hero whilst being fearful of the world you roam

Anxiety, depression, determination, blessings and dreams;

Motherhood makes it all increase

While fatherhood keeps them out the streets

Events I can’t control, so many triggers from childhood

Peace in my soul, letting go of the bitter entering parenthood

The pressure of perfection, the lasting impact knowing

The next generation and the one after that could be affected by the character I lack

Because parenting, yea, no, it’s not for everyone, kind of like college

Both could gradually turn you from sober living into a bumbling alcoholic

It’s challenging, it’s true, but don’t fall, crash and burn

Ask for help, seek resources, take solace and learn

To be patient with yourself, your child, your children, your spouse

To be understanding and know that then is not now

To be resilient and recover, reposition and rebound

To know when enough is enough, when to stand up and when to back down

To be all you can be and then become more

To walk with your head held high through open doors

To listen, love, and shine your light

To be the bearer of bad news and the keeper of good nights

To be a parent is a privilege and a burden

But to be someone’s hero and protector makes it all worth it

If you’re blessed to be a parent, be a winner, don’t forfeit

Because your child, your children are helping you fulfill your purpose

Will I Cry?

We had not spoken in over a year

So we set out on a drive

We chopped it up and asked questions

Really had to dig down inside

I had imagined this moment

And how I would really open up

Then I remembered why we hadn’t talked

And asked myself, “For what?”

What is your purpose?

What was I supposed to miss?

I couldn’t tell you

I can’t remember

It blew away like a kiss is the wind

You’ve been in and out, out and about

Doing that and this

Odd jobs, and chasing clout

What do you even have to show for it?

That you can keep a job

Or get your own crib

For just a couple of years

You almost kind of had it “together”

Then you lost it slowly, but surely

Like a bird’s feathers every year

Bye bye goodbye

New beginnings again

Never settled, never rooted, grounded

Always hoping to ascend

But when it all ends

On the day there’s no tomorrow

I wonder what I’ll feel

Pain or maybe sorrow

I’ll look down at you

I’ll look deep inside me

And ask myself

Will I cry?

I don’t know

R.I.P.

Unfulfillment

To fulfill is more than to complete or finish a task or obligation

To fulfill, I believe, implies to carry out and succeed at said task or order

To do so with conviction, pride and vigor

Fulfillment requires more

You can complete paperwork, a home improvement project, a cardio workout

But you fulfill a job position, your desires, your destiny

When you do so, it’s done with intent and intensity, with power and purpose

On purpose with prowess

Fulfillment is an abstract entity humans seek throughout their lives.

In their hobbies, relationships, careers, faith and more.

Fulfillment offers a lightness, a type of pure satisfaction within one’s self

It’s intangible and yet, you can feel it

Fulfillment has a warmth that wraps you up and whispers, “You did it.”

But you didn’t, so you feel a profound sense of unfulfillment

It grips you tight and rips you open, bare

Unfulfillment leaves you with uncertainty and bitterness

Unfulfillment gets in your heart, it stains the soul

These sentiments bring out doubt, apathy and stagnation

Unfulfillment of a task or obligation can be disappointing

Such unfulfillment can even be disheartening

Knowing you did not carry out and succeed at manifesting your destiny, becoming your best self, or any God given role is downright dismal

To know you were required or appointed to produce, protect or provide in someway, somehow

And all you did was wish, wonder, walk away and break promises

That is a missed opportunity

That is unfulfillment

D.A.D.D.Y. (Directly Affected by Destructive Decisions of Yours)

You’re born and then you die. No, there’s much more to life. There is happiness, sadness, success and strife. You have to do something with your time here, more than make babies just to disappear. Up, up and away and out of their lives, not turning their mothers into wives. Just disappeared, dead and gone, with nothing more than a tired groan.

Why would you do that? Leave them alone? “I can’t be the dad that I want to be, so I give up, I quit. They don’t need me.” How could you live each and every day knowing you gave up and walked away; not even giving it a try, not stopping to say goodbye?

I’m not mad. I’m just letting you know. You having three kids is just for show. Yeah, you helped make them. So, what? Who potty trained their little butts? Where were you when they were sick? Out doing your thing and kicking it? There is no excuse to throw in the towel, call it quits and take a bow.

But you did what you did and now you feel the effects. Everyday there are more regrets. “Man, I should’ve… damn too late.” Be a man, step up to the plate, not for me, for you as a man. You have potential. I hope you can because all this here just isn’t cutting it anymore and it hasn’t been for the past ten years of yours. Wake up! You’re grown with three kids to support.

How can I take you seriously? You’re kind of a joke. “It’s hard out here. Nobody wants to help.”

No dude, it’s not them; it’s the time lapse you felt. Your kids are growing up so fast. You know you’ve messed up and it’s getting to your ass. Can’t go back, just move forward from here, hold every moment near and dear. “Man, it’s hard out here.” You keep saying that line. I don’t see you all the difficulties you find.

You’ve got to get yourself together and start being a man. A proud father with less doubts and I think I cans. It’s not about me. My ideas are set in stone. But for the other ones, you can’t be gone. They need a dad so you’ve got to try; even if that means some feelings get hurt and somebody’s going to cry.

I waited too long and tried so hard. It’s official… I’ve been scarred by all this pain and sorrow and mess. It has made me wonder and begin to guess. “What in the world could I have done to deserve this treatment and feel so shunned?” I’ve given up time and time and again. You were supposed to be my dad, not one of my friends.

It’s more than a title. It’s an occupation, not something you do occasionally, as recreation. Come on man, get a clue. I’m grown and I know I don’t need you. You’ve never been there, so I what’s really new?

There’s no bond, no connection, just deep despair beyond repair. An emptiness that can’t be filled by you popping up here and there. You start to ask me questions then try to compare and understand the girl I was to the woman I am.

Mending

Of all the things to think about

It’s you that’s on my mind

As hard as I try, as hard as I cry

Everything seems to remind

Me of what I thought I wanted and what I thought I had

I’ll try to forget and then I remember, it’s all so very sad

“Why me?” is the first question that always comes to mind

But that’s too easy to answer

I’m just too one-of-a-kind!

I’m too intimidating, too assertive in my ways,

Too genuine, too vulnerable

That’s why I hurt for days

But I’m not going to change

I’m not going to regret

Just keep on moving forward

Who knows what will come next?

And then I ask myself, “what if this, this and that?”

But there are so many out there

That concept is almost too hard to grasp

It’s overwhelming to find an answer that provides adequate repair

My heart has been so broken by the power of despair

Here come the tears that flood from my soul

Because the pain is so raw and the love is so cold

Sometimes I think I will never surpass

I get frustrated and I just want to kick his ass

But it’s not his problem or his, it’s mine

And I know the only way I’ll get over it, get through is with time

Perspective

It is important to show the ones that you love

All the care in the world because

You do not know the pain that they feel,

Or how or when they’re going to heal

Make sure that you always take that into consideration

The circumstances they face, their whole situation

For everyone it is NOT all good

There is so much confusion and so many misunderstood

Don’t wrinkle your nose and stick it up in the air

These kinds of problems take time to repair

Don’t say, “ignore it,” and keep on trekkin’

On their block, you’re not good if you’re not reppin’

You may not understand the differences you see

Just know that this is their reality

Their day-to-day how to make it regime

How to determine who’s on their team

From those who are just fake and playing around

For something to do until they have found

What it is in life they are destined to do

Their calling by God, the one that is true

Gangsta’ life in the streets is not for us all

But for some, it’s live or die, rise or fall

Class of Corona

[I am a teacher. I miss my classroom, my students, my morning coffee, my desk, my SmartBoard, my calendar, my routine, so I wrote this as I reflect on the Corona Virus during quarantine]

Good morning!

Grab your breakfast and have a seat

Oh, how I miss the sounds of chairs banging and loud feet

My morning routine has been broken

And I’m starting to feel incomplete

As a teacher, an educator, a lady who helps

Each day, the time away, more space is felt 

Between where they were and where they need to be

To be prepared to go beyond elementary

Online assignments, meetings and calls

I am working my butt off and I won’t drop the ball

We’re learning new things, reviewing the old

I want my students to be intelligent, hard-working and bold

In their learning, their lives, dreams and conversations 

Because young people with fresh minds can reshape our nations

When the time comes to do the right thing

I hope that my Room 139 Fifth Grade Class will remember these sayings:

Treat others the way that you want to be treated

Kill them with kindness

Mind your business

Practice makes better

Be yourself

Secrets don’t make friends

Health is wealth

Make you proud

Do what you need to do

Be kind to others

I believe in you

Yes, this time is hard for everyone

Remember each day to be safe and have fun

Love, Ms. Johnson

Life

I sit and think about me and my life

I don’t think about the sadness or strife

I ponder about my accomplishments thus far

And what I will do to raise the bar

I’ve been told that I am “the exception”

But I work hard to gain my respect, man

I’m not going to say it’s hard being me

Because it’s hard being here, in general.

You see…

We are the minority, a smaller population

A people that may need a little more motivation

Why is it so hard out here to just be me?

Because there are haters and people telling me I can’t succeed

Hell, everyone says it, it must be true

I can’t do anything right, especially not school

Who am I to try to make a change?

Just little ol’ me trying to do my thang

I may encourage others to try to do more

But I can only open the door

You really just have to let go of your fear

Believe in something better and hold it dear

Once you do this you will see

The world is equal opportunity